Going Insane

I am so sick of having to see his face,i hate it when they all say "oh he is so amazing i love that guy hes so cute!!"
i just want to punch him in the face!!
there is nothing great or cute about him!!!!!
hes a stupid ugly compulsive liar.
im sick of all this and so tired of it, i just want to scream.
what am i supposed to do?!?! he is everywhere i turn and i just want to get away from him.
i want to get over him.
he doesnt even care about me and he TOOK everything i had.
why did this have to happen to me?!?!
i didnt deserve all this stupid shit. >:|
its just not fair, how am i supposed to ever trust someone again?
i put all of my trust and love into him and he screwed me over.
what now?!?!?!
im so tired of all of this. i want to move on. i wish he never existed. >.<
ugh...im just so stressed. im not even the same person anymore.
i have to fake being happy, and try to ignore all the shit.
i dont want to be in this place anymore. i really dont.

Its Sunday

The weekend flew by faster than ever, i knew it would.
I had alot of fun, went to see alice in wonderland with a bunch of awesome friends, hung out with josh ALOT, and went to the isle of palms. but now that it is sunday night i am back to my depressed mode. ):
school is my worst nightmare. my grades fall so quickly that i dont even have the motivation to attempt to rise them. its not like its going to work.
yes, i have friends at school....but not very many and no one close. no one thats always there.
i sit around 20 to 30 people or more and feel absolutley alone.
i know more than half of them talk crap about me behind me back.
i wish i could run away from it all. but i cant. and even though i feel completley and utterly useless and depressed. I have to put on my best fake smile, and get some work done.
i hate having to go through this, but ive learned alot of lessons.
like, the only person that will be there for you for the rest of your life....is yourself. so love yourself. and do the best you possibly can.



And after all of this crap that is going on, josh is moving this comming friday.
he has to be one of the most amazing people ive ever met. always has a smile on his face, and he does everything he can to make people around him happy. i dont know what i am going to do without josh ):
i feel so empty and so alone. life is so difficult ryt now.
and one of the worste parts is that marc doesnt care about me anymore...at all
he is so happy without me. he never even ONCE said, Meriya i am sorry for hurting you.
not once :(

God help me.

After all is said and done, i am the only one who ends up hurt. everyone else goes on in life with a smile, even marc. not me. im left with agony, depression and heartbreak. i feel so alone sometimes. everytime i think about him i just want to actually die to escape the pain. i keep thinking why did this happen. and then i guess its because marc started to hate me. ive been doing really stupid things latley and thinking really stupid thoughts. im only getting myself into deeper shit tho. i have a feeling this is going to take a very long time to get over and that doesnt help my mood.
i pray to god that he help me forget about marc. and then i start crying again.
i cant ever control myself from crying, everywhere i go it all just comes out. i feel so embaressed.
i wish god had the power to erase or help forget.
i wish god had the power to go back in time and help marc decide not to cheat on me.
i wish MARC really loved me. but since he really didnt
i wish I wouldnt have beleived his lies. dear god please help me. i need you right now because i am dead inside. please help bring me back to life. please help me to be happy again.