Couldnt do it if i wanted to..........

What if i deleted every single one of my friends from michigan off of myspace....
I just have been starting to feel so stupid and pathetic, with missing them so much. i feel like i think about them to much. its making me hopelessly miserable and not only that but they've all pretty much moved on and forgotten about me. They have new friends that have filled my place. but this is good. i suppose..
I mean, im definatley happy in south carolina.!!! but theres this huge.....hole in me.
sometimes in my mind im still living in michigan when im talking to my friends and then i snap back into reality and it hurts.
i never thought i would leave so soon. then on one random day my dad got a call for this amazing job in florida...within a month i was gone. right now it feels like a big bleeding cut that wont freaking HEAL!


i feel like if i deleted everyone then maybe id forget about them and i wouldnt feel so stupid or feel that pain anymore.
but i just dont think i could do that........ :( :(

I Never know what to write for a title!!.......O.O

just got home from school., and hangin out with josh. hes finally dating miranda whoo hoo. :D i hope it works out. today was.....frusterating....-.- but for some reason im feeling alright now. i guess. untill i think about how much my mom makes me mad. >.> ugh i dont even want to go there. its just arguing over a lost cause!! and it just makes me even more angry. ive been trying the thing where you count to ten when your angry. it kinda works when i actually remember to stop and start counting. valentines day was really fun :] it was the first v-day where i felt like i actually had a valentine. xP and i got a teddy bear! i Also got to see RENT live and wow that was so fun. so im still having trouble with the whole being depressed and grouchy thing sometimes...and it really sucks. i wish i really knew how to change it. things havent been that bad though. ive actually been doing pretty good latley. really trying to get my grades up. i just wish there wasnt such a thing as homework tho! lol i still miss tyler every now and then. which in a way is kinda good because i dont want to forget about him :/ the tv woke me up playing one of our old songs the other day and it made me sad. :[ but idk. im just really glad were still friends and i mean, thats all i want. still think about ramon to... i feel sad to have to let go of my friends in MI and i obviously really dont want to. Erin is starting to give up on me,... i can tell. but lucas told her that just because im not there anymore doesnt mean were not still and always will be best friends. i told her that to but she doesnt listen.... it makes me sad to have to loose my friends., they just mean so much to me. I was thinking the other day about how you can never depend on anybody, except for yourself. thats when i was upset, and i kinda believe its true sometimes. depending on somebody whether it be a friend or a boyfriend, or a family member just sets you up to get let down. like there not always going to be there right by your side, to hold you up. idk..... THIS is a video i took from my cell of the play RENT. its one of my favorite songs in the play. the picture REALLY sucks but i still think its awesome because you can still here the actors singing. its at a part where they are in a circle talking about dealing with aids and when you watch it and listen to it. the song gives you goosebumps.


This one is another one of my definate favs in the play. "La Vie Bohem" you can see where the guy who plays mark slips while he tries to jump up on the table. i was like awww. lol but he was a really awesome actor and a great singer. he totally did a great job.

GAHHHH!

I am at marcs house right now with everyone
(cheyene veronica, marc and his little NOSEY brother) :)
things have been doing pretty okie dokie latley. ive been hanging out with my really awesome friend JOSH alot latley. im really glad that him and i became friends because hes very chill, and hes like a breathe of fresh air.
i am still dating marc yey. hes also pretty fantastic =P
going back to school tomarow......sadly..
school is a big frusteration. but im sure it will pay off in the long run, o.O hopefully...

January

its 2010 yay. iguess lol
just passing time for me basicly. im at marcs house today hanging out for a while waiting for cheyene to wake up...
just felt like adding a quick postive been doig pretty good for the most part latley....; L8R

DECEMBER

SO i had this dream....
i left South Carolina in a hurry back to Michigan. first i was with my dad and he was yelling at me and making me clean everything. then i went to see a few of my friends,tyler herrman alexandra and ramon(idk why it was just them but i cant control what i dream) they were all really happy to see me. and was glad to be with them again. but i was still aggravated at the fact that i had to deal with my dad , and then i relized that most all of my really awesome friends like thos three wouldnt even be going to the same school as me. and i also remembered that since i was in such a hurry to leave SC that i never said goodbye to my new friends. then everything kinda just hit me and i started crying. i thot to myself why did i want to come back so bad when i was so miserable??? not only that but i was never going to see my NEW friends again....
so then i woke up and i relized i was still in south carolina.
the dream helped me see that my new friends are important too and i love them ^_^
it isnt so bad here and i can find a way to be happy.
however i still miss my old friends VERY VERY much. i day dream about them in class and at home almost everyday.
i wont give up on trying to come visit them!!
the pic is me with marc and alec. marc is one of the ppl i would deffinatley miss the most if i left. and alec is superly awesome too!! they are both great to hang out with, and deff. my best friends.

Oficially November.

I like south carolina. :] it has nice weather for the most part and i have a good social life so far. im trying as best i can to stay on everyones good side so i dont have anyones problems. and i KNOW ofcorse you cant please everybody but thats when you just smile keep your mouth shut and walk away. Even though i like it here very much i stilllll miss home. altho it seems ill never get to go back and visit. ugh. idk why its so hard for me to let go of but it just is and i cant change it.
i need to find my happy place. i still havent exactly found it yet....=\ im sure to ppl reading this they dont really understand what i mean by that but i need my happy place.
i keep telling my mom to get me some "happy pills" but she like keeps ignoring me. idk whatever......ill just keep acting like a bitch.

Hellooo Helloooo

I just randomly decided to make a new post. because tyler was complaining about how i havent made one in a long time.
haha. lol
well my hommcoming was last night. it was pretty fun!! i totally have school spirit for my new high school. being a freshman is annoying sometimes. x.x but its kinda kool.
im glad im finally in highschool.
ive been really upset latley. because my mom said i cant visit michigan on christmas break. thats really not kool. but i told her i didnt want anything else for christas. and even though i know i probly cant go. im still going to say i dont want anything. because i Ddont i mean i dont even care that the new harry potter movie is comming out. and if you knew me. you would relize that i must REALLY want to go to MI. SO while being here in south carolina. ive made alot of new friends. they are pretty awesome ^_^
one is my best friend marc.(in the pic above) were like super close. i always steel his slipknot sweater!!! lol ^_^
hes my emo buddy heheheh!!!!! :P
i have other awesome friends too that i just randomly met and started hanging out with. :D