How im feelin about you.. >:|

I'm over your lies,
and I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
when you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And then you be telling me,
I know your not alone.
ohh..

Thats why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
ohh..

Thats why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(i'm not your girl)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,
don't come by,
ain't no use,
don't ask me why,
you'll never change,
there'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm so over it....
I'm over it....

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Happy?

sweet agony finally takes its break from me,
i sigh a long breath of relief and look up to the sky smiling.
everything is ok now
please let it stay this way for a long time
could i be happy?

Laugh now cry later.......Or perhaps theres no need to cry at all. :)

Over the last few months things have been.....crazy...
i never thought i would make it through...:/ i didnt know if i would ever fully recover.
sometimes i really do still wonder.
but i have this new best friend nammed amanda. ^-^ she is the jelly to my peanut butter!!
her and i have been able to get really close after going through things together
and i really do think that with out her i wouldnt be doing as well as i am now.
we helped each other through some rough times. and i know i can lean on her and she knows she can lean on me.
latley things have been going really well. i mean life always has its ups and downs.
but why should i complain?
amanda and her best friend patrick are probably going to hook up soon and its unbeleivably cute! its like seriously watching a love story and i have been telling her all along that they should be together. EVERYONE sees it. except for her.
and me....ive actually found someone myself...:)
yes his name is chase. i always sorta had a little thing for him but nothing too big.
but then i got to hang out with him more over the break. he just does the cutest little things that make me go awwww inside. and he is really sweet.
i "married" him at the bowling ally at 1:01 am. april 11,2010
lol it was quite fun.
im really hoping things go well with chase because im thinking hes going to help me get over my past and have a good relationship again.
i suppose only time will tell ^-^
im alsot STILL in touch with friends with Michigan
which makes me feel really good.
because i guess it is true that true friends never really fall apart.
im actually hopefully going to be talking to ramon tonight again
and hopefully tyler soon.
theres other like lucas erin brandon tyler shep, aaron b....ect ect
and all this stuff added up just makes me feel good and gives me the strength to keep moving forward..
im not going to lie...im afraid of the future and im afraid of....welll alot of things.
but im getting stronger and stronger, plus i have all my friends to lean on.

Going Insane

I am so sick of having to see his face,i hate it when they all say "oh he is so amazing i love that guy hes so cute!!"
i just want to punch him in the face!!
there is nothing great or cute about him!!!!!
hes a stupid ugly compulsive liar.
im sick of all this and so tired of it, i just want to scream.
what am i supposed to do?!?! he is everywhere i turn and i just want to get away from him.
i want to get over him.
he doesnt even care about me and he TOOK everything i had.
why did this have to happen to me?!?!
i didnt deserve all this stupid shit. >:|
its just not fair, how am i supposed to ever trust someone again?
i put all of my trust and love into him and he screwed me over.
what now?!?!?!
im so tired of all of this. i want to move on. i wish he never existed. >.<
ugh...im just so stressed. im not even the same person anymore.
i have to fake being happy, and try to ignore all the shit.
i dont want to be in this place anymore. i really dont.

Its Sunday

The weekend flew by faster than ever, i knew it would.
I had alot of fun, went to see alice in wonderland with a bunch of awesome friends, hung out with josh ALOT, and went to the isle of palms. but now that it is sunday night i am back to my depressed mode. ):
school is my worst nightmare. my grades fall so quickly that i dont even have the motivation to attempt to rise them. its not like its going to work.
yes, i have friends at school....but not very many and no one close. no one thats always there.
i sit around 20 to 30 people or more and feel absolutley alone.
i know more than half of them talk crap about me behind me back.
i wish i could run away from it all. but i cant. and even though i feel completley and utterly useless and depressed. I have to put on my best fake smile, and get some work done.
i hate having to go through this, but ive learned alot of lessons.
like, the only person that will be there for you for the rest of your life....is yourself. so love yourself. and do the best you possibly can.



And after all of this crap that is going on, josh is moving this comming friday.
he has to be one of the most amazing people ive ever met. always has a smile on his face, and he does everything he can to make people around him happy. i dont know what i am going to do without josh ):
i feel so empty and so alone. life is so difficult ryt now.
and one of the worste parts is that marc doesnt care about me anymore...at all
he is so happy without me. he never even ONCE said, Meriya i am sorry for hurting you.
not once :(

God help me.

After all is said and done, i am the only one who ends up hurt. everyone else goes on in life with a smile, even marc. not me. im left with agony, depression and heartbreak. i feel so alone sometimes. everytime i think about him i just want to actually die to escape the pain. i keep thinking why did this happen. and then i guess its because marc started to hate me. ive been doing really stupid things latley and thinking really stupid thoughts. im only getting myself into deeper shit tho. i have a feeling this is going to take a very long time to get over and that doesnt help my mood.
i pray to god that he help me forget about marc. and then i start crying again.
i cant ever control myself from crying, everywhere i go it all just comes out. i feel so embaressed.
i wish god had the power to erase or help forget.
i wish god had the power to go back in time and help marc decide not to cheat on me.
i wish MARC really loved me. but since he really didnt
i wish I wouldnt have beleived his lies. dear god please help me. i need you right now because i am dead inside. please help bring me back to life. please help me to be happy again.

Couldnt do it if i wanted to..........

What if i deleted every single one of my friends from michigan off of myspace....
I just have been starting to feel so stupid and pathetic, with missing them so much. i feel like i think about them to much. its making me hopelessly miserable and not only that but they've all pretty much moved on and forgotten about me. They have new friends that have filled my place. but this is good. i suppose..
I mean, im definatley happy in south carolina.!!! but theres this huge.....hole in me.
sometimes in my mind im still living in michigan when im talking to my friends and then i snap back into reality and it hurts.
i never thought i would leave so soon. then on one random day my dad got a call for this amazing job in florida...within a month i was gone. right now it feels like a big bleeding cut that wont freaking HEAL!


i feel like if i deleted everyone then maybe id forget about them and i wouldnt feel so stupid or feel that pain anymore.
but i just dont think i could do that........ :( :(